Last August I had a vivid dream in which I was holding a young baby. I realized it was my granddaughter, and her name was Grace. After I awakened, I pondered it a bit, wondered which beautiful son was going to produce my granddaughter, Grace. I decided I'd keep the dream to myself and only told Richard about it, and left it with, "We'll see!"
I have dreamt many times of being pregnant or holding new babies or even giving birth. To me, as one beyond reproduction, it has represented being pregnant with possibilities and plans, or giving birth to new adventures or ventures, and the new baby represents the beginning, the commencement of a project.
I hadn't gone there with this dream because it was my granddaughter, not my own pregnancy, birth or baby. I was going to be content with waiting to see which son produced my beautiful granddaughter named Grace. I was aware that I could have many years before Grace came to fruition...
As it turns out, through a revelation I had this morning after an intense night of wild dreams, is that my granddaughter named Grace has been birthed and fully engaged in Her new life. Since the time of the dream in August I have been truly Graced and Blessed with the connection made with my middle son's "secret" girlfriend (as we fondly refer to her). Through this connection, I have been able to more fully see and experience my son from a new perspective, through someone else's eyes. I am thrilled to no measure that they have found this love and that he appears to be thriving in it. This brings me great joy!
Whatever becomes of this connection, I bask in this now, and fully celebrate my "granddaughter" Grace (for this is what they have created together!). I am so grateful for these moments of knowledge.
Grace, indeed! Blessings too!
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Hot Cocoa Recipe 12-19-12
I will post this here, since this is my most current blog - yum! Love my VitaMix!!!
Cacao nibs arrived yesterday from Mountain Rose Herbs, as did several seeds for sprouting and apparati for sprouting - those are in process, but this couldn't wait! I was super excited to experiment with the cacao nibs to start making my own sugar-free (stevia-sweetened) chocolate treats.
Recipe:
Place into VitaMix:
2 cups non-carageenan containing Almond drink (I used 365 Organics from Whole Foods) or other dairy or non-dairy alternative.
3 tablespoons organic cacao nibs
3 packets organic stevia powder
1/2 inch vanilla bean (this I also received from Mountain Rose Herbs)
Blend in VitaMix until steamy; serve.
It was so yummy, I forgot to take a picture before I took a big gulp of it.
Cacao nibs arrived yesterday from Mountain Rose Herbs, as did several seeds for sprouting and apparati for sprouting - those are in process, but this couldn't wait! I was super excited to experiment with the cacao nibs to start making my own sugar-free (stevia-sweetened) chocolate treats.
Recipe:
Place into VitaMix:
2 cups non-carageenan containing Almond drink (I used 365 Organics from Whole Foods) or other dairy or non-dairy alternative.
3 tablespoons organic cacao nibs
3 packets organic stevia powder
1/2 inch vanilla bean (this I also received from Mountain Rose Herbs)
It was so yummy, I forgot to take a picture before I took a big gulp of it.
Yes, it IS snowing!
Enhanced by the Light Days 7 and 8, 12-19-12
This video is worth taking the 43 minutes to watch. It may be challenging on many levels, or it may not be. What he kept saying would make people angry, didn't make me angry. The concept of "synthetic light" is new to me, though. It also helps explain my own personal movement away from the "mainstream" New Age movement. Kind of a strange oxymoron "mainstream New Age". Hmm. I definitely found the information and transformation and healing within the New Age, or New Thought (Religious Science) movement very helpful in learning about myself and learning many techniques to aid in healing, especially at an emotional level. I realized through it all that it IS an organized religion, with doctrines as George V. talks about in this Youtube video, and I had an awareness and a bit of repelling to the "big" and getting bigger Luminaries, many of whom are hosting events throughout the world on Friday to bring light in... Very very very interesting.
Interesting, partly because yesterday, as part of my Enhanced by the Light intention, I had a dear acupuncturist friend do an Antakarana (Rainbow Bridge) acutreatment on me, to help stimulate my pineal gland (which George V. indicates is an artificial implant in all of us), and enhance whatever is to be enhanced by the light. We also played with tuning forks for Om, pineal activation, and manifesting, as well as her beautiful Tibetan singing bowl. I felt very relaxed afterward... I was pretty relaxed going in, but was even more so afterward, which is a great effect of acupuncture and allowing oneself to be nurtured, regardless of the intention of the treatment.
For me, personally, much of the healing and balancing of the chakras has taken place (George V.'s concept of not having his chakras anymore is interesting, too). My kundalini was activated beginning in 2000, and supercharged in 2005, and I feel a lot of karma has been resolved since this time. I completely resonate with his feeling as though he's living in Grace. He had a cool term for it, which I was going to share, but watch the video and you'll hear it. For the past few years I feel I've been in a holding pattern, sharing my Light through my Heart. Learning more about Heart energy, not Heart chakra, but the large and small torroidal fields around the Heart, and living from that, rather than from fear, or from my mind.
He is right in that there is dogma, even if not acknowledged, in the New Age/Thought world, and the true place to be is within your own heart, not giving power away to this one or that one, or to fear or to all of the conflicting information that we are bombarded with daily, no matter how sheltered we are. Isn't this what I've been saying all along? The main truth is for each of us to be authentically true to ourselves, through our hearts, and share our lights fully, from our hearts, no matter what day it is.
I still feel the Antakarana treatment was right for me to do for myself. Mostly an experiment, and I really like that one of the points used helped to activate the higher aspects of the heart chakra - which I'm going to translate to the fields around the heart (just in case my chakras are gone, too). And, you can't beat the sound of Om, to deeply connect with Mother Earth and all that is.
Our Solstice ceremony this year is going to be very subdued, and similar to the ones my mother and I have done over the past 10-12 years, including Richard in the past few years. An intentional release of the things that we are ready to let go of, burned up in the fire. This is very freeing. Then setting our intentions for the next year cycle, or maybe in this case, the next 13,000 year cycle. :-) It's what we've always done, and it helps to free our hearts and minds to better connect with ourselves and live our lives more fully. I've learned over the years that the less defined my intentions are, and the less attached to specific outcomes I am, the happier I am with whatever and with what is. I am very content with living an intended Heart-centered life full of Grace and True Joy, to live fully from my Heart. I'll leave the details up to Life.
I have not been drawn to be anywhere more spectacular than my own cozy home with my cozy husband on this Dawn of a New Age. This is the life I've created for myself, through loving myself and my Life, and expressing my Authentic Self through my Heart. What better place to celebrate and share light from our hearts with Mother Earth?
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Enhanced by the Light - Day 5 12-15-12 and Day 6 12-16-12
So, Friday wasn't such a great day, and I had really felt as though I was feeling heavier and heavier - in heart, mind and body. Was I ever going to feel good? Sheesh, here I was drinking all of these veggies, doing yoga, walking, meditating and feeling crummier and crummier.
Saturday morning I woke up feeling lots less emotionally drained than I went to bed Friday night, so that was good. We started the day with a smoothie (apple, banana, pomegranate seeds, mustard greens, kale, and watercress. We then walked into Evergreen, it was very very cold, and had a yummy brunch at the One World Cafe: Huevos, hold the cheese, homemade corn tortillas. Yum. Then we walked home in the chill. Oh, yes, I was thinking I'd have some coffee, but I didn't - I had earl grey, and English breakfast tea instead. That did the trick. My mind was clear, my body felt light, and we got lots done yesterday. I felt really really good. We made some really delicious homemade, gluten-free, dairy-free, red enchiladas with calabacitas for a filling for dinner. I took a break from the yoga, and allowed my body to rest from all of the work early in the week. Our evening green smoothie was more of a soup: tomatoes, avocado, red pepper, basil, and greens - I can't remember which ones at this point. I was very glad to feel so much better, and better capable of sharing light and love through the mayhem of the darkness of mankind. There is lots of Light out there, and many good things that happen. Someone recently posted a suggestion to put out a jar on the first of the year, and every time something good happens, write it down and put it in the jar. Then at the end of the year, take it all out and read through all of the great things that happened. I saw another suggestion that said to keep two jars, one for the good, and one for the negative, review at the end of the year - get rid of the negative, keep the good. I'm not sure why one would want to do that, hang onto the negative for so long. I say the less we spend thinking about the negative, the better - I'm all for the one jar method, and don't even give the negative events another negative thought.
Today, Sunday, I'm still feeling a little groggy, we've only had our morning smoothie (banana, apple, pineapple, pomegranate seeds, and a LOT of red leaf lettuce - it made a lot that I couldn't finish.) Not much else to say about this day since most of it has yet to be lived. I intend to relax, enjoy, be love as much as possible, find Joy and Peace and extend it outward as there's plenty to share.
Saturday morning I woke up feeling lots less emotionally drained than I went to bed Friday night, so that was good. We started the day with a smoothie (apple, banana, pomegranate seeds, mustard greens, kale, and watercress. We then walked into Evergreen, it was very very cold, and had a yummy brunch at the One World Cafe: Huevos, hold the cheese, homemade corn tortillas. Yum. Then we walked home in the chill. Oh, yes, I was thinking I'd have some coffee, but I didn't - I had earl grey, and English breakfast tea instead. That did the trick. My mind was clear, my body felt light, and we got lots done yesterday. I felt really really good. We made some really delicious homemade, gluten-free, dairy-free, red enchiladas with calabacitas for a filling for dinner. I took a break from the yoga, and allowed my body to rest from all of the work early in the week. Our evening green smoothie was more of a soup: tomatoes, avocado, red pepper, basil, and greens - I can't remember which ones at this point. I was very glad to feel so much better, and better capable of sharing light and love through the mayhem of the darkness of mankind. There is lots of Light out there, and many good things that happen. Someone recently posted a suggestion to put out a jar on the first of the year, and every time something good happens, write it down and put it in the jar. Then at the end of the year, take it all out and read through all of the great things that happened. I saw another suggestion that said to keep two jars, one for the good, and one for the negative, review at the end of the year - get rid of the negative, keep the good. I'm not sure why one would want to do that, hang onto the negative for so long. I say the less we spend thinking about the negative, the better - I'm all for the one jar method, and don't even give the negative events another negative thought.
Today, Sunday, I'm still feeling a little groggy, we've only had our morning smoothie (banana, apple, pineapple, pomegranate seeds, and a LOT of red leaf lettuce - it made a lot that I couldn't finish.) Not much else to say about this day since most of it has yet to be lived. I intend to relax, enjoy, be love as much as possible, find Joy and Peace and extend it outward as there's plenty to share.
Enhanced by the Light - rest of Day 4
Friday, Day 4, I was feeling crummy... I took my shower, as promised, got dressed, changed the (then) depressing meditation music to some quirky Roger Miller - I got out my rainbow toe socks and put them on - I was starting to feel better, maybe even neutral.
The rest of Day 4... Then I checked Facebook, and the first thing I saw was a reference to prayers to those in CT - so against my vow to not read mainstream media, I looked it up and realized that there had been another school shooting, this one in Connecticut. I immediately burst into tears thinking about all of those people in that horrifying situation, and especially the children. So young, so innocent, lives so short, and the surviving everybody in that school, their lives will never be the same. At that time my husband, Richard called on his lunch break from teaching in a special ed school, and I told him about the shooting, and really couldn't say much more because of the tears. I spent quite a bit of time wrapped in the media, reading all of the crazy arguments for and against gun control. To me this is a far bigger issue than simple gun control. People intent on killing people are going to find the means, whether it's guns, knives, bombs, their hands... from what I understand, tighter gun control would not have helped in the CT shootings case. The guns used were legally the mother's, who was killed prior to the big school rampage. Anyway, I'm not for or against - I hate that topic that goes round and round, when there's far more to this violent and loving society. Media, media, media. Ugh.
We lived in Littleton when the shootings took place at Columbine. My kids were in 1st, 3rd and 5th grades at the time. Those who were outside on the school grounds at the time could hear the bombs going off. Our house backed up to one of the main roads, and many emergency personnel were going by... let me back up a little, first, though.
I had just discovered the "Artist's Way" book, and was learning about my creative side and taking care of and nurturing myself. I'd begun to feel the joy in life, and was beginning to see it in the little things. I vividly remember walking the boys to school that morning, and my youngest, Peter, who was 6 at that time, was skipping to school, just as happy to be in the present moment as anywhere else. I skipped with him and felt this upwelling of Joy in my heart. My cup overfloweth as I placed them in the care of the elementary school. I walked home and took out a watercolor picture to work on for the first time - my first, and last time I've ever attempted to water color. I remember feeling the joy of creating, even if it was a little frustrating working with the watercolors. I don't know what I was doing next, but I was still in that state of pure Joy, when my stepmother called me from Idaho to ask if we were all okay. I definitely didn't have my television on at that time, and Facebook had yet to be invented. She told me what was going on just 2 miles from my home. I turned on the television and sat there in horror as it unfolded before my eyes. I called the boys' school and was told I couldn't get the children since the school was in lock-down. That was a horrific feeling, not being able to get my kids and hold them tight.
Finally, we got the go ahead to come into the school and pick up our kids. I picked up the younger kids first, then went to the 5th grade room, and what I saw astounded and infuriated me. All of the kids, 10 and 11 years old, were huddled around a television set that was broadcasting LIVE, the events that were still unfolding at Columbine. No teacher or adult was in sight. When I found the teacher, she was outside (just outside the room) talking on her cell phone with her husband reassuring him that she was ok. I grabbed my son and we all left for home.
When we got home, we watched for about 15minutes more to see if there was more information. Then I had to shut it off for my sake and for the boys' sakes.
The weather was very interesting, I thought, for that whole next week. I was overcast and rainy, and to me it seemed that the entire city was crying, definitely our community was. We were mainly in shock especially as the details came forth and became more clear.
So, yes, all of these memories get re-triggered every time there's a shooting, which unfortunately seems to be more and more often. I saw a lot of references on Facebook after Friday's shooting to wanting to hold their children close. My kids are all grown up now and dispersed around the country, so I wouldn't have the immediate satisfaction of holding them. They were definitely in my thoughts and in my heart, and I will see them soon for the holidays. My heart goes out to those big souls that continued their journeys beyond this physical realm, my heart goes out to those big souls who are left in this dimension with unfathomable grief, my heart goes out to the community, and to the world.
I am reminded of some of my favorite lines by Kahlil Gibran:
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.
Through pain, we can learn deeper love and more profound joy. The rest of Friday was quite melancholy for me, as I processed the events, and the memories, and contemplate the darkness of society, as well as the light. On one level I am not surprised that this devastating event happened in the darkest time of the year, possibly the darkest time of all time. On another level, I see it as an amazing opportunity for greater Light to shine through. Most of us humans regard death as sad and tragic, and the end... this is how we're trained, especially in Western civilization. We fear death.
What I've come to understand about death, through studies of near-death experiences, meditations, Eastern philosophy and other explorations, that it is not the end - well, yes, it's the end of this physical incarnation, but it is not the end of our souls, or our spirits. We've lived many times, in many fashions, in many Universes. What I've also come to understand is that we have soul contracts with one another, usually to help each other grow spiritually. I believe that includes these heinous events that are created by man. In this regard, these precious children and adults, whose lives were taken so early according to our personality perspectives, agreed prior to their incarnations with their soul groups for their or their family members' greater spiritual growth to pass from this life in this manner. This does not lessen the pain experienced in this third dimension of personality and matter, but from a soul perspective the purpose is reconnection with Source and a remembering of who we really are, resolving duality, returning to the Light.
The rest of Day 4... Then I checked Facebook, and the first thing I saw was a reference to prayers to those in CT - so against my vow to not read mainstream media, I looked it up and realized that there had been another school shooting, this one in Connecticut. I immediately burst into tears thinking about all of those people in that horrifying situation, and especially the children. So young, so innocent, lives so short, and the surviving everybody in that school, their lives will never be the same. At that time my husband, Richard called on his lunch break from teaching in a special ed school, and I told him about the shooting, and really couldn't say much more because of the tears. I spent quite a bit of time wrapped in the media, reading all of the crazy arguments for and against gun control. To me this is a far bigger issue than simple gun control. People intent on killing people are going to find the means, whether it's guns, knives, bombs, their hands... from what I understand, tighter gun control would not have helped in the CT shootings case. The guns used were legally the mother's, who was killed prior to the big school rampage. Anyway, I'm not for or against - I hate that topic that goes round and round, when there's far more to this violent and loving society. Media, media, media. Ugh.
We lived in Littleton when the shootings took place at Columbine. My kids were in 1st, 3rd and 5th grades at the time. Those who were outside on the school grounds at the time could hear the bombs going off. Our house backed up to one of the main roads, and many emergency personnel were going by... let me back up a little, first, though.
I had just discovered the "Artist's Way" book, and was learning about my creative side and taking care of and nurturing myself. I'd begun to feel the joy in life, and was beginning to see it in the little things. I vividly remember walking the boys to school that morning, and my youngest, Peter, who was 6 at that time, was skipping to school, just as happy to be in the present moment as anywhere else. I skipped with him and felt this upwelling of Joy in my heart. My cup overfloweth as I placed them in the care of the elementary school. I walked home and took out a watercolor picture to work on for the first time - my first, and last time I've ever attempted to water color. I remember feeling the joy of creating, even if it was a little frustrating working with the watercolors. I don't know what I was doing next, but I was still in that state of pure Joy, when my stepmother called me from Idaho to ask if we were all okay. I definitely didn't have my television on at that time, and Facebook had yet to be invented. She told me what was going on just 2 miles from my home. I turned on the television and sat there in horror as it unfolded before my eyes. I called the boys' school and was told I couldn't get the children since the school was in lock-down. That was a horrific feeling, not being able to get my kids and hold them tight.
Finally, we got the go ahead to come into the school and pick up our kids. I picked up the younger kids first, then went to the 5th grade room, and what I saw astounded and infuriated me. All of the kids, 10 and 11 years old, were huddled around a television set that was broadcasting LIVE, the events that were still unfolding at Columbine. No teacher or adult was in sight. When I found the teacher, she was outside (just outside the room) talking on her cell phone with her husband reassuring him that she was ok. I grabbed my son and we all left for home.
When we got home, we watched for about 15minutes more to see if there was more information. Then I had to shut it off for my sake and for the boys' sakes.
The weather was very interesting, I thought, for that whole next week. I was overcast and rainy, and to me it seemed that the entire city was crying, definitely our community was. We were mainly in shock especially as the details came forth and became more clear.
So, yes, all of these memories get re-triggered every time there's a shooting, which unfortunately seems to be more and more often. I saw a lot of references on Facebook after Friday's shooting to wanting to hold their children close. My kids are all grown up now and dispersed around the country, so I wouldn't have the immediate satisfaction of holding them. They were definitely in my thoughts and in my heart, and I will see them soon for the holidays. My heart goes out to those big souls that continued their journeys beyond this physical realm, my heart goes out to those big souls who are left in this dimension with unfathomable grief, my heart goes out to the community, and to the world.
I am reminded of some of my favorite lines by Kahlil Gibran:
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.
Through pain, we can learn deeper love and more profound joy. The rest of Friday was quite melancholy for me, as I processed the events, and the memories, and contemplate the darkness of society, as well as the light. On one level I am not surprised that this devastating event happened in the darkest time of the year, possibly the darkest time of all time. On another level, I see it as an amazing opportunity for greater Light to shine through. Most of us humans regard death as sad and tragic, and the end... this is how we're trained, especially in Western civilization. We fear death.
What I've come to understand about death, through studies of near-death experiences, meditations, Eastern philosophy and other explorations, that it is not the end - well, yes, it's the end of this physical incarnation, but it is not the end of our souls, or our spirits. We've lived many times, in many fashions, in many Universes. What I've also come to understand is that we have soul contracts with one another, usually to help each other grow spiritually. I believe that includes these heinous events that are created by man. In this regard, these precious children and adults, whose lives were taken so early according to our personality perspectives, agreed prior to their incarnations with their soul groups for their or their family members' greater spiritual growth to pass from this life in this manner. This does not lessen the pain experienced in this third dimension of personality and matter, but from a soul perspective the purpose is reconnection with Source and a remembering of who we really are, resolving duality, returning to the Light.
Friday, December 14, 2012
Enhanced by the Light Day 3 12-14-12
The rest of yesterday went all right - although I did only one set of Tibetans in all for the day - I'm pretty sore. Richard gave me a really cool early Christmas gift: a Pineal Activator Kit by Jonathan Goldman. It's mainly a cool tuning fork in the pineal activating frequency with suggestions for enhancing activation. I didn't try it out last night because I had a slight de-caffeinating headache. I used it this morning briefly after the yoga and alternate nostril breathing. The cats aren't too excited about the pitch. When I hummed with it my whole head vibrated, so that was pretty cool.
I have yet to get in my intended three green smoothies/puddings/soups each day. Apparently that's a big jump from no green smoothies, so I'm ok with modifying it to one or two. I am eating more vegetables and fruits in general, so that's a plus. I keep getting the message that it's ok to be ok with finding the right balance. I had some creative endeavors in mind during this time - but I've felt immensely lazy aside from the yoga and walking 4 miles every day, pretty sore from the yoga, and every day there has been some physical discomfort, whether the digestive dizziness the first day, the no-caffeine headache, or fatigue. I suppose a lot of that is due to the lack of caffeine and getting used to the extra compact greens. I snuggled up with the kittens yesterday after my walk and shower, and promptly fell asleep for 1.5 hours. Today the sun is not even out (from behind the clouds), and I am not inspired to walk yet, and maybe I won't. I know I'll be walking lots with Richard this weekend.
What I have been accomplishing is lots of getting appointments set: finally get the recall notices taken care of for my car so it's safe, the kittens spay and recovery, contacting preceptors for the the next rotations - actually the preceptor from February's rotation contacted me yesterday, that was unexpected, getting paperwork done for acupuncture and herbal re-certifications. I've made an appointment for myself for massage and acupuncture, as well.
I definitely am not feeling light, or the Light, it actually feels darker and denser, in all areas. My body feels heavier (I can't imagine that it is), walking around feels heavier, the mental fog feels heavier. Maybe it's more the time of year than anything. I'm ok with what is, because there really isn't anything different I'd do - I don't feel as though adding another smoothie or another yoga session is going to help it shift any faster. I will continue to take care of me, listen to my body and my heart. I know the heavy feeling is temporary.
I love that as I am feeling this way, I see this post on my Facebook stream by the very same lady who confirmed my intentions for 12/12 to 12/21. Deb Kern's realism. I love how real she is. I learned awhile ago that being spiritual isn't all about goodness, joy, peace, etc, it's about authenticity, being true to your own heart and soul, which includes loving ourselves and laughing at ourselves through our mishaps and misunderstandings. We are all God in Action, whatever that means for us and our lives. Without the darkness, there isn't Light to compare. It's still duality, and our choice to live it out on this planet. If it were all Light, then we wouldn't know the difference. I don't know about you, but I often grow weary of the darkness, and the duality and am ready to see it come to a close, for the planet, for each of us.
I think of the darkness before birth, safely tucked away in our mother's wombs, not knowing that there exists a whole other world that we were conceived and destined to enter. There's security in that darkness, comfort - maybe this is why we are often drawn to traditions and family during this dark time of the year. I remember when I was pregnant with Alan, my oldest son, now 25 years ago. I was 20 years old and taking a Spanish class at UC- Boulder and driving there every day for this class from Golden. One day we learned the verb to give birth: Dar la luz (to give the light). I remember going over and over it in my mind, and focussing on the light. At that time I saw "the light" as the new baby, full of light, which I don't think is wrong... but now I see that it could be from the fact that the baby comes from darkness into light. I thought (and still think) that this was a beautiful way to describe the amazing process of childbirth. Weirdly and ironically, we are born into light, as light, into this strange world of darkness, duality. Our challenge then gets to be to remember our lights, then shine them forth, unfailingly, whatever it looks like. This reminds me of another thing posted on FB yesterday:
My authentic quasi-crummy feeling self is going to hop in the shower, and see what inspires me to do or not do today... and I'm going to bask in it!
I have yet to get in my intended three green smoothies/puddings/soups each day. Apparently that's a big jump from no green smoothies, so I'm ok with modifying it to one or two. I am eating more vegetables and fruits in general, so that's a plus. I keep getting the message that it's ok to be ok with finding the right balance. I had some creative endeavors in mind during this time - but I've felt immensely lazy aside from the yoga and walking 4 miles every day, pretty sore from the yoga, and every day there has been some physical discomfort, whether the digestive dizziness the first day, the no-caffeine headache, or fatigue. I suppose a lot of that is due to the lack of caffeine and getting used to the extra compact greens. I snuggled up with the kittens yesterday after my walk and shower, and promptly fell asleep for 1.5 hours. Today the sun is not even out (from behind the clouds), and I am not inspired to walk yet, and maybe I won't. I know I'll be walking lots with Richard this weekend.
What I have been accomplishing is lots of getting appointments set: finally get the recall notices taken care of for my car so it's safe, the kittens spay and recovery, contacting preceptors for the the next rotations - actually the preceptor from February's rotation contacted me yesterday, that was unexpected, getting paperwork done for acupuncture and herbal re-certifications. I've made an appointment for myself for massage and acupuncture, as well.
I definitely am not feeling light, or the Light, it actually feels darker and denser, in all areas. My body feels heavier (I can't imagine that it is), walking around feels heavier, the mental fog feels heavier. Maybe it's more the time of year than anything. I'm ok with what is, because there really isn't anything different I'd do - I don't feel as though adding another smoothie or another yoga session is going to help it shift any faster. I will continue to take care of me, listen to my body and my heart. I know the heavy feeling is temporary.
I love that as I am feeling this way, I see this post on my Facebook stream by the very same lady who confirmed my intentions for 12/12 to 12/21. Deb Kern's realism. I love how real she is. I learned awhile ago that being spiritual isn't all about goodness, joy, peace, etc, it's about authenticity, being true to your own heart and soul, which includes loving ourselves and laughing at ourselves through our mishaps and misunderstandings. We are all God in Action, whatever that means for us and our lives. Without the darkness, there isn't Light to compare. It's still duality, and our choice to live it out on this planet. If it were all Light, then we wouldn't know the difference. I don't know about you, but I often grow weary of the darkness, and the duality and am ready to see it come to a close, for the planet, for each of us.
I think of the darkness before birth, safely tucked away in our mother's wombs, not knowing that there exists a whole other world that we were conceived and destined to enter. There's security in that darkness, comfort - maybe this is why we are often drawn to traditions and family during this dark time of the year. I remember when I was pregnant with Alan, my oldest son, now 25 years ago. I was 20 years old and taking a Spanish class at UC- Boulder and driving there every day for this class from Golden. One day we learned the verb to give birth: Dar la luz (to give the light). I remember going over and over it in my mind, and focussing on the light. At that time I saw "the light" as the new baby, full of light, which I don't think is wrong... but now I see that it could be from the fact that the baby comes from darkness into light. I thought (and still think) that this was a beautiful way to describe the amazing process of childbirth. Weirdly and ironically, we are born into light, as light, into this strange world of darkness, duality. Our challenge then gets to be to remember our lights, then shine them forth, unfailingly, whatever it looks like. This reminds me of another thing posted on FB yesterday:
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Enhanced by the Light Day 2 12-13-12
Ah, much better after a night's sleep. A little sore from the yoga from yesterday, but it's a good sore. Also my head feels a little "woozy", but I think that's because it's actually more clear than usual without the caffeine. No headache.
I realized that I was hoping to re-share my Council of 12 story on the 12th. I forgot. Instead I will share it today on the the 13th, which works just as well, since it involved them and me, and that makes 13. The information linked from this blog post indicates two major turning points in my life, probably the two most major, at least when it comes to existential awareness and making decisions. Here's a link to get caught up: Stephanie's Council of Twelve Recalling.
I haven't had much conscious contact with the Council since that time - mostly my life has been on overdrive in it's newest direction with all of the implications of that: new man, new marriage, new home, empty nesting, clearing out most of the past, new kitties, more new kitties. My dreams have been odd yet vague, with the focus of my conscious awareness on memorizing drugs and indications, interactions, therapeutics, and everything else in pharmacy school.
However, last night I had an interesting dream, well several, but the most clear involved my former husband's (we were married for 13 years, been divorced for 12) new wife. She was asking me how my relationship with him has been since the divorce. I described to her that I felt that he shut me out, isn't communicating, and I don't know what's going on. This all makes sense on a conscious level. Considering I was the one who instigated the divorce and essentially shut him out, then it's natural on a personality level for him to do the same thing. After I described this to her, my former husband showed up in her place. He was holding a glowing white key about the size and shape of a piano key. He told me that it is the key to their house and that I could use it any time to let the cat in or see whatever I wanted to see. He then hugged me and I burst into tears on his shoulder. He was very compassionate and nurturing. Most dreams I have with him in them, we are yakking and laughing up a storm about the boys, and very friendly. His wife is always there and friendly too. So, I know on a soul level, all is well, and that translates, at least for me, that the personalities are doing just fine.
There are a few interpretations of a key in a dream. I have no conscious desire to know about their lives, aside from the knowledge (or trust) that they are doing well. So, perhaps the key, rather than representing the ability to open the door to their house, represents the ability for me to more solidly close the door on that chapter of my life, with his soul blessing. It could also be a key of greater understanding - I mean it was big, white and glowing! We will see if there's more as time moves along.
It is time to get going on the day -
Already we have had our breakfast: soy yogurt smoothie with berries, granola, chia seeds, flax, and walnuts.
Already we have had our morning green smoothie: pear, blueberries, kale, and parsley.
Now it's time for some Tibetans, then a walk, then more errands and tasks, then LUNCH (can't forget lunch!) then another smoothie, more Tibetans, dinner, short walk...
That's it for now - potentially more later in the day as things get going.
Blessed Light-filled Day! Looks like a sunny one!
I realized that I was hoping to re-share my Council of 12 story on the 12th. I forgot. Instead I will share it today on the the 13th, which works just as well, since it involved them and me, and that makes 13. The information linked from this blog post indicates two major turning points in my life, probably the two most major, at least when it comes to existential awareness and making decisions. Here's a link to get caught up: Stephanie's Council of Twelve Recalling.
 |
| Council of 12 |
 |
| I guess they ARE sitting here - they weren't in my dream |
I haven't had much conscious contact with the Council since that time - mostly my life has been on overdrive in it's newest direction with all of the implications of that: new man, new marriage, new home, empty nesting, clearing out most of the past, new kitties, more new kitties. My dreams have been odd yet vague, with the focus of my conscious awareness on memorizing drugs and indications, interactions, therapeutics, and everything else in pharmacy school.
However, last night I had an interesting dream, well several, but the most clear involved my former husband's (we were married for 13 years, been divorced for 12) new wife. She was asking me how my relationship with him has been since the divorce. I described to her that I felt that he shut me out, isn't communicating, and I don't know what's going on. This all makes sense on a conscious level. Considering I was the one who instigated the divorce and essentially shut him out, then it's natural on a personality level for him to do the same thing. After I described this to her, my former husband showed up in her place. He was holding a glowing white key about the size and shape of a piano key. He told me that it is the key to their house and that I could use it any time to let the cat in or see whatever I wanted to see. He then hugged me and I burst into tears on his shoulder. He was very compassionate and nurturing. Most dreams I have with him in them, we are yakking and laughing up a storm about the boys, and very friendly. His wife is always there and friendly too. So, I know on a soul level, all is well, and that translates, at least for me, that the personalities are doing just fine.
There are a few interpretations of a key in a dream. I have no conscious desire to know about their lives, aside from the knowledge (or trust) that they are doing well. So, perhaps the key, rather than representing the ability to open the door to their house, represents the ability for me to more solidly close the door on that chapter of my life, with his soul blessing. It could also be a key of greater understanding - I mean it was big, white and glowing! We will see if there's more as time moves along.
It is time to get going on the day -
Already we have had our breakfast: soy yogurt smoothie with berries, granola, chia seeds, flax, and walnuts.
Already we have had our morning green smoothie: pear, blueberries, kale, and parsley.
Now it's time for some Tibetans, then a walk, then more errands and tasks, then LUNCH (can't forget lunch!) then another smoothie, more Tibetans, dinner, short walk...
That's it for now - potentially more later in the day as things get going.
Blessed Light-filled Day! Looks like a sunny one!
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