Enhanced by the Light Day 3 12-14-12

The rest of yesterday went all right - although I did only one set of Tibetans in all for the day - I'm pretty sore.  Richard gave me a really cool early Christmas gift: a Pineal Activator Kit by Jonathan Goldman.  It's mainly a cool tuning fork in the pineal activating frequency with suggestions for enhancing activation.  I didn't try it out last night because I had a slight de-caffeinating headache.  I used it this morning briefly after the yoga and alternate nostril breathing.  The cats aren't too excited about the pitch.  When I hummed with it my whole head vibrated, so that was pretty cool.

I have yet to get in my intended three green smoothies/puddings/soups each day.  Apparently that's a big jump from no green smoothies, so I'm ok with modifying it to one or two.  I am eating more vegetables and fruits in general, so that's a plus.  I keep getting the message that it's ok to be ok with finding the right balance.  I had some creative endeavors in mind during this time - but I've felt immensely lazy aside from the yoga and walking 4 miles every day, pretty sore from the yoga, and every day there has been some physical discomfort, whether the digestive dizziness the first day, the no-caffeine headache, or fatigue.  I suppose a lot of that is due to the lack of caffeine and getting used to the extra compact greens.  I snuggled up with the kittens yesterday after my walk and shower, and promptly fell asleep for 1.5 hours.  Today the sun is not even out (from behind the clouds), and I am not inspired to walk yet, and maybe I won't.  I know I'll be walking lots with Richard this weekend.

What I have been accomplishing is lots of getting appointments set:  finally get the recall notices taken care of for my car so it's safe, the kittens spay and recovery, contacting preceptors for the the next rotations - actually the preceptor from February's rotation contacted me yesterday,  that was unexpected, getting paperwork done for acupuncture and herbal re-certifications. I've made an appointment for myself for massage and acupuncture, as well.

I definitely am not feeling light, or the Light, it actually feels darker and denser, in all areas.  My body feels heavier (I can't imagine that it is), walking around feels heavier, the mental fog feels heavier.  Maybe it's more the time of year than anything.  I'm ok with what is, because there really isn't anything different I'd do - I don't feel as though adding another smoothie or another yoga session is going to help it shift any faster.  I will continue to take care of me, listen to my body and my heart.  I know the heavy feeling is temporary.

I love that as I am feeling this way, I see this post on my Facebook stream by the very same lady who confirmed my intentions for 12/12 to 12/21.  Deb Kern's realism.  I love how real she is.  I learned awhile ago that being spiritual isn't all about goodness, joy, peace, etc, it's about authenticity, being true to your own heart and soul, which includes loving ourselves and laughing at ourselves through our mishaps and misunderstandings.  We are all God in Action, whatever that means for us and our lives.  Without the darkness, there isn't Light to compare.  It's still duality, and our choice to live it out on this planet.  If it were all Light, then we wouldn't know the difference.  I don't know about you, but I often grow weary of the darkness, and the duality and am ready to see it come to a close, for the planet, for each of us.

I think of the darkness before birth, safely tucked away in our mother's wombs, not knowing that there exists a whole other world that we were conceived and destined to enter.  There's security in that darkness, comfort - maybe this is why we are often drawn to traditions and family during this dark time of the year.  I remember when I was pregnant with Alan, my oldest son, now 25 years ago.  I was 20 years old and taking a Spanish class at UC- Boulder and driving there every day for this class from Golden.  One day we learned the verb to give birth:  Dar la luz (to give the light).  I remember going over and over it in my mind, and focussing on the light.  At that time I saw "the light" as the new baby, full of light, which I don't think is wrong... but now I see that it could be from the fact that the baby comes from darkness into light.  I thought (and still think) that this was a beautiful way to describe the amazing process of childbirth.  Weirdly and ironically, we are born into light, as light, into this strange world of darkness, duality.  Our challenge then gets to be to remember our lights, then shine them forth, unfailingly, whatever it looks like.  This reminds me of another thing posted on FB yesterday:

My authentic quasi-crummy feeling self is going to hop in the shower, and see what inspires me to do or not do today...  and I'm going to bask in it!

Enhanced by the Light Day 2 12-13-12

Ah, much better after a night's sleep. A little sore from the yoga from yesterday, but it's a good sore.  Also my head feels a little "woozy", but I think that's because it's actually more clear than usual without the caffeine.  No headache.

I realized that I was hoping to re-share my Council of 12 story on the 12th.  I forgot.  Instead I will share it today on the the 13th, which works just as well, since it involved them and me, and that makes 13.  The information linked from this blog post indicates two major turning points in my life, probably the two most major, at least when it comes to existential awareness and making decisions.  Here's a link to get caught up: Stephanie's Council of Twelve Recalling.

Council of 12

I guess they ARE sitting here - they weren't in my dream

I haven't had much conscious contact with the Council since that time - mostly my life has been on overdrive in it's newest direction with all of the implications of that: new man, new marriage, new home, empty nesting, clearing out most of the past, new kitties, more new kitties.  My dreams have been odd yet vague, with the focus of my conscious awareness on memorizing drugs and indications, interactions, therapeutics, and everything else in pharmacy school.

However, last night I had an interesting dream, well several, but the most clear involved my former husband's (we were married for 13 years, been divorced for 12) new wife.  She was asking me how my relationship with him has been since the divorce.  I described to her that I felt that he shut me out, isn't communicating, and I don't know what's going on.  This all makes sense on a conscious level. Considering I was the one who instigated the divorce and essentially shut him out, then it's natural on a personality level for him to do the same thing.  After I described this to her, my former husband showed up in her place. He was holding a glowing white key about the size and shape of a piano key.  He told me that it is the key to their house and that I could use it any time to let the cat in or see whatever I wanted to see.  He then hugged me and I burst into tears on his shoulder.  He was very compassionate and nurturing.  Most dreams I have with him in them, we are yakking and laughing up a storm about the boys, and very friendly.  His wife is always there and friendly too.  So, I know on a soul level, all is well, and that translates, at least for me, that the personalities are doing just fine.

There are a few interpretations of a key in a dream.  I have no conscious desire to know about their lives, aside from the knowledge (or trust) that they are doing well.  So, perhaps the key, rather than representing the ability to open the door to their house, represents the ability for me to more solidly close the door on that chapter of my life, with his soul blessing. It could also be a key of greater understanding - I mean it was big, white and glowing!  We will see if there's more as time moves along.

It is time to get going on the day -
Already we have had our breakfast: soy yogurt smoothie with berries, granola, chia seeds, flax, and walnuts.

Already we have had our morning green smoothie: pear, blueberries, kale, and parsley.

Now it's time for some Tibetans, then a walk, then more errands and tasks, then LUNCH (can't forget lunch!) then another smoothie, more Tibetans, dinner, short walk...

That's it for now - potentially more later in the day as things get going.
Blessed Light-filled Day!  Looks like a sunny one!