Saturday, May 28, 2011

The Goldfish That Had to Go

(From January 2009)

In this dream I was with my family, my mom, step dad, my sons, somewhere on a trip. We were gathering our things to leave, and somewhere on the trip, either found by me or given to me by one of the sons, I had acquired a goldfish. He was currently in a makeshift fish tank in the cabin and I wondered how I was going to take him with us when we left. Someone suggested a newspaper bag, so I thought that would be helpful. I filled the bag with his water from the tank, he escaped and was on the table out of the water, looking at me. The boys were laughing. I put the bag near the fish and he hopped right in. In my mind ran concerns regarding his being able to breathe in the bag. For some reason there wasn't enough water in the bag, and the fish was indicating, by jumping out again, that it was not to his liking. Then, for some reason, I filled up the bag with milk, thinking this way the fish could have nourishment while it traveled with us. This was not a happy answer for the fish, who, by the way, was more of a Dr. Seuss goldfish than a regular boring goldfish. In the milk it was standing on its tail, with its head out of the milk, almost shaking his head "no". I emptied the milk, and refilled with tank water, in yet another bag, this one a bread bag. There was lots of water, and I was trying to find the balance between air and water, not sure how long this was to be his home. I breathed some of my breath into the bag, with the hope of finding that right balance.

Eventually my dream went on to the next scene and I don't know if I ever got it right for that fish.

What if that fish is me? I can be a Dr. Seuss goldfish for a moment. Here I am wondering where my home is going to be when my house sells. Which bag (or home) is going to be just right as I "travel" with my sons and parents in this stage of our lives? Which one provides the most breathing room, the most nourishment, enough of my own environment and happiness? Interesting to note my own guessing game and seeming inability to figure it out and provide just the right environment for the "fish". This is the planner in me, to which I have been bringing more and more balance. I don't know the answers, all I can do is trust that the right situation is manifesting in the perfect timing, as it always has, in spite of all of my past planning and trying to make it work.

I am open to the Grace of the Universe in this transitional situation, and am excited to see what results come about. I know that the happiest answer for all concerned is manifesting and we all live in joy and great connection.

A Day Without a Name: March 2011

(I'd forgotten I'd written this, and meant to post it back in March)

One day there is a day without a name.  And the next day is Saturday.  It was an odd dream amidst the enormous howling of the wind and wind chimes throughout the night outside the bedroom window.  My vague memory of the dream was that I was searching with my mother for large letters for some reason (see? very vague), and once we had let go of that mission she and I entered a backyard of sorts with a fence, and found the letters to spell out the word "Saturday".  Each letter was on a large, maybe 1' x 2' rubber panel, very fancy and rounded with a couple of colors.  They had been deposited there for us as a gift from the Universe.  We were overjoyed to see them, and whoever it was who left them for us was still there with us, and kept leaving gifts for us.  We were told that there is a day without a name, and the next day is Saturday.  It made no sense to us in the dream, and I still don't understand.

Except that today I finally rolled out of bed after a relatively sleepless night, to find that an 8.9 earthquake and 23 foot tsunami hit Japan, and that Hawaii, where my brother and his family are, and the West Coast, are all under tsunami warnings.  Many people have lost their lives and are witnessing and experiencing massive destruction.  Meanwhile I sit here in the peace of my home, sending prayers out to all of them.

It is Friday, after all, but these people who have been affected are probably not so concerned right now with what day of the week it is.