Ode to Strep Throat

Strep Throat

The burn of words unspoken
The congestion of tears unshed
Fever pitches as I wallow
Hot flashes
The fire sears my core
The next moment the chills freeze my bones
Unforgiveness swallows me
Days go by


All too familiar
Yet it has been a long while
Familiar it is
My heart yearns
My mind knows better
Just keep quiet, it says
It's easier this way
Keep the Peace
It's easier this way


Meanwhile, my soul screams
See me for who I am
Not for what you've decided I am
Or for what you've decided I've decided I am
See me for who I am 
Not for who I've married
Not for what I'm doing with my life
See me for who I am


I know it's hard when I don't share
Anymore
It's safer that way
For me
See me for who I am
For the gifts I have to offer
Se aside your fears
See me for who I am
Stop hiding behind the red and orange ooze
Show me who you are
For real
Get real
Live Life!
Be present
Your children need you


Neither the surface
Nor the depths
Are okay here
Years ago I arrived at
Okay with it not being okay
I was okay with that
Right now I am not okay
There is so much more


Please treat me like a person you really
Really, really, really, REALLY
Care about
My open attempts in the past
Greeted with stoic impartiality
Or stunned silence


Thank you for your recent defenses
I acknowledge them
I know they come with new awareness
I am grateful
My heart cannot grasp
That you do not see me beyond this
It remains protected
Between my lungs
Thumping with each second
As time moves on
Into the future


I release and allow
With a tenderized heart
You to be my guide
My teacher
The knowledge of Love
Being there
And I know
All is as it should be
Probably for this very reason
I learn and grow
Discovering more strength in myself


I recognize the reality
For strength in reaching out
To others
This planet holds more than just me
We are not by ourselves


The balm of forgiveness
Where there is nothing to forgive
Of realization
Washes over my throat
Tears on my pillow


Clarity
Wisdom
Freedom within
Tomorrow I awkaen
Abundant energy and joy
My true nature
With gratitude