I feel somewhat unsettled as the wind is howling and the trees are swaying violently outside. The sky is dark with gray with foreboding. Maybe it’s stir craziness I’m experiencing from having been in bed for the last week with a strange illness that can’t seem to decide what it is, and is taking its time taking its leave. I’m pretty sick and tired of being sick and tired. I know, well, have learned, in the past, that when I get sick enough to knock me out of commission as I’ve been, my life is about to change. It’s a cocooning of sorts, a reorganization. I am definitely very happy with my life in this place to where it has evolved, and am open to change for even better, on whatever level. This said, this doesn’t feel to me like a cocooning on a personal level, it definitely feels more of a stepping back from the humanity and planetary level. After a conversation with my mother earlier today, who is also suffering from this strange malady, I realize that perhaps the Universe is telling us to take cover, lay low for a bit, perhaps...rest up.
I can only surmise or speculate that this may have something to do with the recent solar flares, with which their Earth arrival corresponded precisely with the onset of my illness, which has been fiery, feverish, with burning pain, mainly in my throat. During the illness, some thoughts occurred to me, in light of, in spite of, or instead of the solar flare possibility. One thought is that on a humanity level we are being dredged for the final drudge of karma that can be elicited before we have the opportunity for Ascension, if that is where we’re headed. My human mind has no idea, and I have no answers, all I can do is go with the flow. Bizarre things are happening in the world, even more so than usual, it seems. My dreams have been ultra strange during this illness, and I haven’t had the time or energy to analyze them. I’m okay with that, as it feels they are processing and processing…something.
Meanwhile, I feel more and more disconnected from humanity, and have no interest in the chaos that humanity pours on itself. The personal dramas, the work dramas, the political dramas… are all karma either being played out or transcended. Somehow I see beyond the drama, directly to the soul connection, the love, and can see that there is no reason for fear. Death is not to fear, none of what we experience in life or are about to experience is to fear. Life would be very, very different for every individual, and thus our collective communities if all decisions were made in love, instead of fear. This would also be a different life if Earth’s inhabitants had no fear of death. There was a particular scene that reminded of this, in Shirley MacLain’s miniseries Out On a Limb. I hadn’t read her book or watched the miniseries before last night, but I have read much over the past 15 years about near death experiences, out of body experiences, spiritual matters, etc., and have had plenty of direct experiences that have brought my thought process to where it resides currently. It was interesting to watch her metamorphosis, like a butterfly, through the show. She resisted every step of the way, it appeared, but finally came to the realization that what she was experiencing and hearing was real and she obviously took action on the information she received. Her experiences were more real than this weird world we live in and have collectively created for ourselves. I am very glad to be reminded of this in this entertaining manner, although our true nature is almost always on my mind.
I’ve also been reading a very interesting book on Dreaming and the Kaballah. The premise is that our awakened state is at least as much of a dream-time than our sleeping state. I’m not finished reading it yet, but I am sure I will have more to contemplate on this and the implications.
The theme this week in my awareness, it seems, is letting go. In A Course in Miracles, our lessons have been about letting go (“loose-ing”) of the world we have created. A client of mine’s main desire was to “let go” of the stuff he was ready to release so that he could move forward into his new life. Letting go is one of the most difficult things a person can do. What does it take to let go of the worry? To let go of the fear? To let go of having to know the how, or the why, or all of the answers. If we let go, what are we left with? Who are we without that fear? Who are we without that worry? Do we feel like we have to worry about something to be doing it “right”? Do we have to be doing everything right? If we let go of fear, are we out of our minds? Maybe so. Is that such a bad place to be?
In Chinese medicine, letting go is the action of the Large Intestine. We take in the events life presents to us (through the Stomach/solar plexus/Liver), let it churn a bit, send it to the Small Intestine for discernment, for sorting. Small Intestine is the energy of discerning the turbid from the clear, retaining the clear, and sending the turbid to the Large Instestine for discharge, or letting go. The clear is associated with the blessings, and what we want to keep to enrich ourselves and our lives. The turbid is the crap that no longer serves us and we need to let go. The energy of the Lung is directly related to the energy of the Large Intestine. Lung is about grief and sorrow. If we can grieve something, then we can let it go. Sometimes we don’t know that we need to grieve something, but our bodies will tell us.
Letting go is very freeing. When you let go, those things hold no power over you, you reclaim your own power, and can move forward in a powerful way, rather than a fearful way. Then your energy can be directed into creative endeavors. I realize this takes a lot of trust. Trust in yourself, trust that everything will turn out “right”. And “right” may not be our narrow perception of what is right for our lives, for we see very little of our full paths while we are incarnate and have very little knowledge of the meanings of our encounters and experiences. In my experience, once I realized that there is a far bigger picture than my small awareness, my prayers and intentions became more for the greatest good of all involved, and allowing those who had a far greater awareness than mine, to make it happen. I’ve since learned that these kinds of prayers often have the most profound outcomes, as I let go of my perceived best outcome. I am not to judge what is the best outcome for anyone, not even for myself. I can set my intention for what I think will be a great outcome, but I will always end it with “this or better”, as I do not know the lessons that need to be learned or the greater joy that can be experienced. It’s called surrender.
As the winds and the storm have subsided, I feel more at peace in my heart. I feel more connected to my spirit, and am calmer about the next moment. Solar flares or no solar flares, lunar eclipse or no lunar eclipse, and ascension or no ascension, I know that my life is dedicated to peace and love, and sharing and serving. Perhaps my time cocooning is helping me strengthen this connection to my Source and helping me remember the theme of surrendering to the Greater Good and allowing it to flow through me.