Enhanced by the Light Days 7 and 8, 12-19-12

This video is worth taking the 43 minutes to watch.  It may be challenging on many levels, or it may not be.   What he kept saying would make people angry, didn't make me angry.  The concept of "synthetic light" is new to me, though.  It also helps explain my own personal movement away from the "mainstream" New Age movement.  Kind of a strange oxymoron "mainstream New Age".  Hmm.  I definitely found the information and transformation and healing within the New Age, or New Thought (Religious Science) movement very helpful in learning about myself and learning many techniques to aid in healing, especially at an emotional level.  I realized through it all that it IS an organized religion, with doctrines as George V. talks about in this Youtube video, and I had an awareness and a bit of repelling to the "big" and getting bigger Luminaries, many of whom are hosting events throughout the world on Friday to bring light in... Very very very interesting.

Interesting, partly because yesterday, as part of my Enhanced by the Light intention, I had a dear acupuncturist friend do an Antakarana (Rainbow Bridge) acutreatment on me, to help stimulate my pineal gland (which George V. indicates is an artificial implant in all of us), and enhance whatever is to be enhanced by the light.  We also played with tuning forks for Om, pineal activation, and manifesting, as well as her beautiful Tibetan singing bowl.  I felt very relaxed afterward... I was pretty relaxed going in, but was even more so afterward, which is a great effect of acupuncture and allowing oneself to be nurtured, regardless of the intention of the treatment.

For me, personally, much of the healing and balancing of the chakras has taken place (George V.'s concept of not having his chakras anymore is interesting, too).  My kundalini was activated beginning in 2000, and supercharged in 2005, and I feel a lot of karma has been resolved since this time.  I completely resonate with his feeling as though he's living in Grace.  He had a cool term for it, which I was going to share, but watch the video and you'll hear it.  For the past few years I feel I've been in a holding pattern, sharing my Light through my Heart.  Learning more about Heart energy, not Heart chakra, but the large and small torroidal fields around the Heart, and living from that, rather than from fear, or from my mind.

He is right in that there is dogma, even if not acknowledged, in the New Age/Thought world, and the true place to be is within your own heart, not giving power away to this one or that one, or to fear or to all of the conflicting information that we are bombarded with daily, no matter how sheltered we are.  Isn't this what I've been saying all along?  The main truth is for each of us to be authentically true to ourselves, through our hearts, and share our lights fully, from our hearts, no matter what day it is.

I still feel the Antakarana treatment was right for me to do for myself.  Mostly an experiment, and I really like that one of the points used helped to activate the higher aspects of the heart chakra - which I'm going to translate to the fields around the heart (just in case my chakras are gone, too).  And, you can't beat the sound of Om, to deeply connect with Mother Earth and all that is.

Our Solstice ceremony this year is going to be very subdued, and similar to the ones my mother and I have done over the past 10-12 years, including Richard in the past few years.  An intentional release of the things that we are ready to let go of, burned up in the fire.  This is very freeing.  Then setting our intentions for the next year cycle, or maybe in this case, the next 13,000 year cycle.  :-) It's what we've always done, and it helps to free our hearts and minds to better connect with ourselves and live our lives more fully.  I've learned over the years that the less defined my intentions are, and the less attached to specific outcomes I am, the happier I am with whatever and with what is.  I am very content with living an intended Heart-centered life full of Grace and True Joy, to live fully from my Heart.  I'll leave the details up to Life.

I have not been drawn to be anywhere more spectacular than my own cozy home with my cozy husband on this Dawn of a New Age.  This is the life I've created for myself, through loving myself and my Life, and expressing my Authentic Self through my Heart.  What better place to celebrate and share light from our hearts with Mother Earth?

Enhanced by the Light - rest of Day 4

Friday, Day 4, I was feeling crummy... I took my shower, as promised, got dressed, changed the (then) depressing meditation music to some quirky Roger Miller - I got out my rainbow toe socks and put them on - I was starting to feel better, maybe even neutral.

The rest of Day 4... Then I checked Facebook, and the first thing I saw was a reference to prayers to those in CT - so against my vow to not read mainstream media, I looked it up and realized that there had been another school shooting, this one in Connecticut.  I immediately burst into tears thinking about all of those people in that horrifying situation, and especially the children.  So young, so innocent, lives so short, and the surviving everybody in that school, their lives will never be the same.  At that time my husband, Richard called on his lunch break from teaching in a special ed school, and I told him about the shooting, and really couldn't say much more because of the tears.  I spent quite a bit of time wrapped in the media, reading all of the crazy arguments for and against gun control.  To me this is a far bigger issue than simple gun control.  People intent on killing people are going to find the means, whether it's guns, knives, bombs, their hands... from what I understand, tighter gun control would not have helped in the CT shootings case.  The guns used were legally the mother's, who was killed prior to the big school rampage.  Anyway, I'm not for or against - I hate that topic that goes round and round, when there's far more to this violent and loving society.  Media, media, media.  Ugh.

We lived in Littleton when the shootings took place at Columbine.  My kids were in 1st, 3rd and 5th grades at the time.  Those who were outside on the school grounds at the time could hear the bombs going off.  Our house backed up to one of the main roads, and many emergency personnel were going by... let me back up a little, first, though.

I had just discovered the "Artist's Way" book, and was learning about my creative side and taking care of and nurturing myself.  I'd begun to feel the joy in life, and was beginning to see it in the little things.  I vividly remember walking the boys to school that morning, and my youngest, Peter, who was 6 at that time, was skipping to school, just as happy to be in the present moment as anywhere else.  I skipped with him and felt this upwelling of Joy in my heart.  My cup overfloweth as I placed them in the care of the elementary school.  I walked home and took out a watercolor picture to work on for the first time - my first, and last time I've ever attempted to water color.  I remember feeling the joy of creating, even if it was a little frustrating working with the watercolors.  I don't know what I was doing next, but I was still in that state of pure Joy, when my stepmother called me from Idaho to ask if we were all okay.  I definitely didn't have my television on at that time, and Facebook had yet to be invented.  She told me what was going on just 2 miles from my home.  I turned on the television and sat there in horror as it unfolded before my eyes.  I called the boys' school and was told I couldn't get the children since the school was in lock-down.  That was a horrific feeling, not being able to get my kids and hold them tight.

Finally, we got the go ahead to come into the school and pick up our kids.  I picked up the younger kids first, then went to the 5th grade room, and what I saw astounded and infuriated me.  All of the kids, 10 and 11 years old, were huddled around a television set that was broadcasting LIVE, the events that were still unfolding at Columbine.  No teacher or adult was in sight.  When I found the teacher, she was outside (just outside the room) talking on her cell phone with her husband reassuring him that she was ok.  I grabbed my son and we all left for home.

When we got home, we watched for about 15minutes more to see if there was more information.  Then I had to shut it off for my sake and for the boys' sakes.

The weather was very interesting, I thought, for that whole next week. I was overcast and rainy, and to me it seemed that the entire city was crying, definitely our community was.  We were mainly in shock especially as the details came forth and became more clear.

So, yes, all of these memories get re-triggered every time there's a shooting, which unfortunately seems to be more and more often. I saw a lot of references on Facebook after Friday's shooting to wanting to hold their children close. My kids are all grown up now and dispersed around the country, so I wouldn't have the immediate satisfaction of holding them.  They were definitely in my thoughts and in my heart, and I will see them soon for the holidays.  My heart goes out to those big souls that continued their journeys beyond this physical realm, my heart goes out to those big souls who are left in this dimension with unfathomable grief, my heart goes out to the community, and to the world.

I am reminded of some of my favorite lines by Kahlil Gibran:
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.

Through pain, we can learn deeper love and more profound joy.  The rest of Friday was quite melancholy for me, as I processed the events, and the memories, and contemplate the darkness of society, as well as the light.  On one level I am not surprised that this devastating event happened in the darkest time of the year, possibly the darkest time of all time.  On another level, I see it as an amazing opportunity for greater Light to shine through.  Most of us humans regard death as sad and tragic, and the end... this is how we're trained, especially in Western civilization.  We fear death.

What I've come to understand about death, through studies of near-death experiences, meditations, Eastern philosophy and other explorations, that it is not the end - well, yes, it's the end of this physical incarnation, but it is not the end of our souls, or our spirits.  We've lived many times, in many fashions, in many Universes. What I've also come to understand is that we have soul contracts with one another, usually to help each other grow spiritually.  I believe that includes these heinous events that are created by man.  In this regard, these precious children and adults, whose lives were taken so early according to our personality perspectives, agreed prior to their incarnations with their soul groups for their or their family members' greater spiritual growth to pass from this life in this manner.  This does not lessen the pain experienced in this third dimension of personality and matter, but from a soul perspective the purpose is reconnection with Source and a remembering of who we really are, resolving duality, returning to the Light.

Enhanced by the Light Day 3 12-14-12

The rest of yesterday went all right - although I did only one set of Tibetans in all for the day - I'm pretty sore.  Richard gave me a really cool early Christmas gift: a Pineal Activator Kit by Jonathan Goldman.  It's mainly a cool tuning fork in the pineal activating frequency with suggestions for enhancing activation.  I didn't try it out last night because I had a slight de-caffeinating headache.  I used it this morning briefly after the yoga and alternate nostril breathing.  The cats aren't too excited about the pitch.  When I hummed with it my whole head vibrated, so that was pretty cool.

I have yet to get in my intended three green smoothies/puddings/soups each day.  Apparently that's a big jump from no green smoothies, so I'm ok with modifying it to one or two.  I am eating more vegetables and fruits in general, so that's a plus.  I keep getting the message that it's ok to be ok with finding the right balance.  I had some creative endeavors in mind during this time - but I've felt immensely lazy aside from the yoga and walking 4 miles every day, pretty sore from the yoga, and every day there has been some physical discomfort, whether the digestive dizziness the first day, the no-caffeine headache, or fatigue.  I suppose a lot of that is due to the lack of caffeine and getting used to the extra compact greens.  I snuggled up with the kittens yesterday after my walk and shower, and promptly fell asleep for 1.5 hours.  Today the sun is not even out (from behind the clouds), and I am not inspired to walk yet, and maybe I won't.  I know I'll be walking lots with Richard this weekend.

What I have been accomplishing is lots of getting appointments set:  finally get the recall notices taken care of for my car so it's safe, the kittens spay and recovery, contacting preceptors for the the next rotations - actually the preceptor from February's rotation contacted me yesterday,  that was unexpected, getting paperwork done for acupuncture and herbal re-certifications. I've made an appointment for myself for massage and acupuncture, as well.

I definitely am not feeling light, or the Light, it actually feels darker and denser, in all areas.  My body feels heavier (I can't imagine that it is), walking around feels heavier, the mental fog feels heavier.  Maybe it's more the time of year than anything.  I'm ok with what is, because there really isn't anything different I'd do - I don't feel as though adding another smoothie or another yoga session is going to help it shift any faster.  I will continue to take care of me, listen to my body and my heart.  I know the heavy feeling is temporary.

I love that as I am feeling this way, I see this post on my Facebook stream by the very same lady who confirmed my intentions for 12/12 to 12/21.  Deb Kern's realism.  I love how real she is.  I learned awhile ago that being spiritual isn't all about goodness, joy, peace, etc, it's about authenticity, being true to your own heart and soul, which includes loving ourselves and laughing at ourselves through our mishaps and misunderstandings.  We are all God in Action, whatever that means for us and our lives.  Without the darkness, there isn't Light to compare.  It's still duality, and our choice to live it out on this planet.  If it were all Light, then we wouldn't know the difference.  I don't know about you, but I often grow weary of the darkness, and the duality and am ready to see it come to a close, for the planet, for each of us.

I think of the darkness before birth, safely tucked away in our mother's wombs, not knowing that there exists a whole other world that we were conceived and destined to enter.  There's security in that darkness, comfort - maybe this is why we are often drawn to traditions and family during this dark time of the year.  I remember when I was pregnant with Alan, my oldest son, now 25 years ago.  I was 20 years old and taking a Spanish class at UC- Boulder and driving there every day for this class from Golden.  One day we learned the verb to give birth:  Dar la luz (to give the light).  I remember going over and over it in my mind, and focussing on the light.  At that time I saw "the light" as the new baby, full of light, which I don't think is wrong... but now I see that it could be from the fact that the baby comes from darkness into light.  I thought (and still think) that this was a beautiful way to describe the amazing process of childbirth.  Weirdly and ironically, we are born into light, as light, into this strange world of darkness, duality.  Our challenge then gets to be to remember our lights, then shine them forth, unfailingly, whatever it looks like.  This reminds me of another thing posted on FB yesterday:

My authentic quasi-crummy feeling self is going to hop in the shower, and see what inspires me to do or not do today...  and I'm going to bask in it!

Enhanced by the Light Day 2 12-13-12

Ah, much better after a night's sleep. A little sore from the yoga from yesterday, but it's a good sore.  Also my head feels a little "woozy", but I think that's because it's actually more clear than usual without the caffeine.  No headache.

I realized that I was hoping to re-share my Council of 12 story on the 12th.  I forgot.  Instead I will share it today on the the 13th, which works just as well, since it involved them and me, and that makes 13.  The information linked from this blog post indicates two major turning points in my life, probably the two most major, at least when it comes to existential awareness and making decisions.  Here's a link to get caught up: Stephanie's Council of Twelve Recalling.

Council of 12

I guess they ARE sitting here - they weren't in my dream

I haven't had much conscious contact with the Council since that time - mostly my life has been on overdrive in it's newest direction with all of the implications of that: new man, new marriage, new home, empty nesting, clearing out most of the past, new kitties, more new kitties.  My dreams have been odd yet vague, with the focus of my conscious awareness on memorizing drugs and indications, interactions, therapeutics, and everything else in pharmacy school.

However, last night I had an interesting dream, well several, but the most clear involved my former husband's (we were married for 13 years, been divorced for 12) new wife.  She was asking me how my relationship with him has been since the divorce.  I described to her that I felt that he shut me out, isn't communicating, and I don't know what's going on.  This all makes sense on a conscious level. Considering I was the one who instigated the divorce and essentially shut him out, then it's natural on a personality level for him to do the same thing.  After I described this to her, my former husband showed up in her place. He was holding a glowing white key about the size and shape of a piano key.  He told me that it is the key to their house and that I could use it any time to let the cat in or see whatever I wanted to see.  He then hugged me and I burst into tears on his shoulder.  He was very compassionate and nurturing.  Most dreams I have with him in them, we are yakking and laughing up a storm about the boys, and very friendly.  His wife is always there and friendly too.  So, I know on a soul level, all is well, and that translates, at least for me, that the personalities are doing just fine.

There are a few interpretations of a key in a dream.  I have no conscious desire to know about their lives, aside from the knowledge (or trust) that they are doing well.  So, perhaps the key, rather than representing the ability to open the door to their house, represents the ability for me to more solidly close the door on that chapter of my life, with his soul blessing. It could also be a key of greater understanding - I mean it was big, white and glowing!  We will see if there's more as time moves along.

It is time to get going on the day -
Already we have had our breakfast: soy yogurt smoothie with berries, granola, chia seeds, flax, and walnuts.

Already we have had our morning green smoothie: pear, blueberries, kale, and parsley.

Now it's time for some Tibetans, then a walk, then more errands and tasks, then LUNCH (can't forget lunch!) then another smoothie, more Tibetans, dinner, short walk...

That's it for now - potentially more later in the day as things get going.
Blessed Light-filled Day!  Looks like a sunny one!

Enhanced by the Light 12/12/12 Day 1

Day 1:

I remembered after I posted yesterday's blog that I am planning to eliminate carbonated beverages along with the daily coffee intake.  So there, I said it.  A carbonated beverage for me usually consists of a stevia-sweetened soda of some sort.  My favorite is Virgil's zero root beer.  Runner up is Zevia products, mainly ginger ale, "cola", sometimes root beer and citrus.  Nevertheless, I won't be partaking for the next 10 days.

Last night after we picked up the newly spayed kitties from the vet hospital and my VitaMix finally arrived, I made Richard and myself a tangy vegetable soup - it was yummy!  However, we didn't sleep super great last night - most likely due to having the kittens in the bedroom with us while they heal, or maybe due to the vegetable-dense bedtime snack.  Not sure.

Shakti and Shanti pre-surgery, November 2012

I will post recipes tomorrow since my energy is pretty low right now.  This is likely due to my lack of caffeine, although I haven't ever felt like this on a day without caffeine, so I think it's more likely due to a combo of things.  I felt pretty great for most of the day; it looked like this:

6:00 up with Richard, made us breakfast: spinach-garlic frittata, millet toast with avocado

Richard and me in Santa Fe a couple weeks ago, hiking on Thanksgiving Day

6:30: made our morning green smoothie with banana, a couple apples, spinach, sent Richard on his way, smoothie in hand

8:08: Five Tibetans, which felt pretty good.  They look like this, except this is not me:

Then immediately into about 15 reps of alternate nostril breathing, which looks like this (this is not me, either):

9:09 after yoga  I went to check on healing kitties.  One of them was not feeling so great so I took a snuggly kitten nap with her.

3.5 mile walk during 10:10

11:11 - not sure what I was doing, probably finishing up my walk n stuff.  Oh yeah, I think I had some pumpkin mixed in some soy yogurt, which ended up being my lunch.

12:12 - I was in the middle of an hour-long meditation that was deeply relaxing and energizing.  Russill Paul chants, lovely!  Had some cool visions and sensations.

13:13 - After the meditation I got to work getting loose ends completed: filling out paperwork for insurance reimbursement for the kittens' procedures from yesterday, plus paperwork to the kitty adoption people to prove that we spayed.  Paid a couple bills, then spent a couple of hours completing my recertification paperwork for my Dipl. OM.  This isn't due until August, however the next half year is going to be very full of finishing rotations, graduating, studying for the NAPLEX and law exams, and finding a pharmacy job, and restarting my acupuncture business.  Better to get this paperwork done, now, while I have un-pressured time.

I also got super psyched about creating a super yummy chocolate almond "milk" drink in my VitaMix - recipe tomorrow!

3:03 After that was complete I started to feel pretty crummy; nauseous and dizzy - I realized I hadn't eaten much solid food today and no caffeine... so I decided to do my second round of Tibetans.  I made it through them, and felt better briefly.  Then decided to make a small frozen fruit yogurt thing, with the thought that some natural sugars might help.  They didn't.

By the time Richard got home I was feeling pretty crummy, and felt that what I needed was some solid food.  I made our dinner:  Black bean and sweet corn Tres Pupusas with homemade green chile, some avocado and a spinach salad.  It was delicious, and yes I am feeling much better.  I think we're going to skip our evening green smoothie.

Hooray for Pupusas!

I had many cool thoughts about Light today, which I will let gel before I put them into words - mostly cuz I'm feeling tired.  What I am grateful for today is all of the amazing sunshine and feeling really really good for most of the day, for resting and relaxing AND getting some important things done.  I am also super grateful to not be in the middle of finals right now.  This is a first in a very long time.

6:06: I will close with a post I woke up to this morning.  Perhaps if the planet's chakras and ley lines were very open and active today, I may have been feeling this, too, on an energetic level.

Sai Maa has recently spoken of the massive amounts of photon energy that will be entering the planet on 12-12-12. All of the Chakras and ley lines of the planet will be very open and active. Maa will be offering a very specific and important work for the planet the entire day and specifically at 12pm. 

This energy will shake all of those that are in resentment and anger. We are to tap into the infinite power of love and compassion within our heart and be pillars of light for the unfoldment of the Golden Age. This is the time we have be waiting for. Let us be in and with the light as much as possible at this magnificent time.

Let's hear it for the Light and for Abundant Love!  Tomorrow's a new day!  I call today a success - I'm pretty lenient - :-)  Grateful to be alive!!

Enhanced by the Light - Prep 12/10/12

It is December 10, 2012... already!  Where did this year go?  I know for me it has been consumed with the final semester, 3rd year of pharmacy school, and the first 5 rotations of the 4th year.  Now I have a break, a breather from the incessant cramming of drug information into my brain, and preparing for and giving presentations, and have a chance to reconnect more fully with my less thinking self that has been there all along, just subdued in the background whilst I plunge forward my existence in the third dimension and duality.

I do believe that all of the meditation and preparation in the previous decades with the healing, awareness, enlightening moments and life shifts have helped me immensely through the seemingly unbalanced nature of pharmacy school and all of the changes that have occurred over the past few years.  I am still me, the eternal optimist, full of Hope and Light, bringing my Presence into each place I go and each rotation I am on, making the connections I am to make, trusting that I am still doing this program with my bigger purpose on this planet in mind (even if it might be subconscious, especially regarding where pharmacy fits in, at the moment).

I still awaken every morning very grateful to be alive and to have the opportunity to live each moment in Love and Joy.  I am still here and my life feels very full of Grace.

Having said all of that, I am still perfectly human, and am excited to experiment with what I posted this morning on Facebook:

So interesting - yesterday I decided I am going to use the time between 12/12 and 12/21 to increase my daily intake of green smoothies (which enhances our cell ability to absorb light) and focus energy and mindfulness on Light with the Five Tibetans. The first post I saw this morning (linked below) confirms this thought into action. December has always been a time of deep reflection for me, with looking at the year previous, releasing all of it and making room for the joys and intentions in the new year. This year I feel called to contemplate more than just the year's events and growth, but perhaps even a deeper look into duality in this lifetime, and the ability to let it go. I'm sure more will become clear in the next couple of days as I prepare. There are some great ideas for purifying here: Deb Kern's Raising Your Vibration.

I had just ordered my VitaMixer, finally after weeks of deliberation, and had been entertaining the thought of doing a juice fast the first couple of weeks of January to cleanse and purify.  This was after being inspired by the movie "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead".

And, yes, I know I am not fat (anymore), nor am I sick or nearly dead; however the story was very inspiring.  There's always improvement to be made.  I've focussed very much on physically improving myself.  I've lost nearly 50 pounds since the summer of 2010 (at least measured).  I have about 10 pounds to go to the high end of the normal weight range, and around 30 to go to my goal weight since I want to maintain well within my normal weight range.  I have used several strategies to get here, the most useful one being tracking through Weight Watchers, being mindful of portions.  I also eliminated wheat and gluten about 1.5 years ago to help ease inflammation - with great results!  Recently I've also eliminated all dairy products, including nonfat dairy yogurt due to the inflammatory properties of dairy. Due to a recent discussion with a dietician who helps educate on diet according APOE genetic results, I've been attempting to find ways to make vegetables the focus of each meal, with supportive protein and carbs.  So, like I said, very physically focussed - and I do feel great, and love that my clothes are looser and the pain I was experiencing has been greatly reduced.

Now that I'm on break from pharmacy rotations and have some nurturing time, I am suddenly fully cognizant that this month and this year, and the much anticipated "end of the world" is upon us, days away!  It has been fascinating to observe and witness the spectrum of speculation in society about this auspicious time.  There are so many many theories.  I am amazed to learn that there are folks who still feel strongly that it's the end of the physical world with mass destruction and mass exodus of life from the planet.  Unfortunately this is causing many young and old people to take their own lives in desperation or hopelessness.  This seems pretty senseless, especially since not a whole lot has happened in a world-wide devastation sense, yet.  It is also senseless for people to react negatively if the opposite doesn't happen as they expect (like a rapture or ascension).

I am more of the thought process that if something "happens" it is going to be much more of a conscious awareness shift out of the "old", mainly duality, into the "new", which is Unity consciousness.  From my time-space perspective (and how could I not have one living in this reality?) it seems as though this kind of shift would take time.  And it has.  And it will. Things have been shifting for awhile, mainly in the individuals which make up societies.  Change takes place one heart at a time.

I recently witnessed a very short conversation regarding 12/21/12... it was in the middle of a flow of conversation ranging from the future of compounding pharmacy and regulation, to education, to politics, and other random societal things.  It went kind of like this: "The end of the world is coming on Dec. 21", "No, I'm sure it's the 22nd", "Well, whenever, it's the end of the world they say."  Then a silence. 

 Then the next topic.

My thoughts filled that brief silence, not my words.  What I wanted to say, but did not was, "So, say it IS the end of the world, whatever that means to you, does that change anything for you today, this moment?  Would you make a different decision, or say different things? Would you do something you might not otherwise?  The silence was interesting - it's almost as if it's so close there's not much one can say about it, but just wait and see what happens, if anything.

My answers to those questions are mainly "no, I would not do anything differently."  I have changed my life over the past couple of decades to truly have no regrets and to be living my life from my heart.  Sure, I might inform and remind people that I love them and to thank them for being parts of my life, and helping me learn and grow through them.  

My focus now is the light, especially at this time of year, as the light wanes by the minute.  The sunshine is brief and I am grateful to live in such a sunny place, even if the days are short.  For me, if anything is going to happen this month, I want to be as prepared as possible.  This does not mean physically.  I am not going to gather items to make sure I survive any physical calamity, rather I feel called to focus on increasing my connection to my Source, increasing my vibratory state higher and higher in order to resonate even more with greater dimensions, and view the darkness of the third dimension and duality through an ever narrowing telescope. 

How am I going to do this?
1) With the help of my new VitaMixer (arrives tomorrow) beginning 12/12 prepare three daily specific green smoothies, puddings, or soups to bathe my cells in the utmost nutrition and ability to absorb light from the Sun.  I cannot describe the buzz my cells are feeling as I read over the smoothie recipes.
2) Every day complete 21 repetitions of the Five Tibetans twice each day
3) Meditate on Light and Ascension inspiring guided meditations or music
4) I have already eliminated gluten and dairy, most sugar, so the only real vice left is caffeine in my daily cup of coffee, so yes, I will stop the cup of coffee every day.  Not much else will change in my diet, except that the smoothie, pudding or soup will replace the cup of coffee and one meal and one snack.
5) I have already eliminated most idleness, newspaper, television, chat... what remains is computer and a little mindless game time.  I'll have to meditate and see what reducing that might look like and set that goal.
6) Focus on only Love, Joy, and Hope and journal on it.  I know that each day is going to have a theme  that will be revealed in the day.

More things might occur to me in the next day in preparation, however I definitely want to keep it simple.  If you've read this far, will you join me in this endeavor?  If you're interested, let me know!

Love, Joy and Abundant Blessings,
Stephanie

Ode to Strep Throat

Strep Throat

The burn of words unspoken
The congestion of tears unshed
Fever pitches as I wallow
Hot flashes
The fire sears my core
The next moment the chills freeze my bones
Unforgiveness swallows me
Days go by


All too familiar
Yet it has been a long while
Familiar it is
My heart yearns
My mind knows better
Just keep quiet, it says
It's easier this way
Keep the Peace
It's easier this way


Meanwhile, my soul screams
See me for who I am
Not for what you've decided I am
Or for what you've decided I've decided I am
See me for who I am 
Not for who I've married
Not for what I'm doing with my life
See me for who I am


I know it's hard when I don't share
Anymore
It's safer that way
For me
See me for who I am
For the gifts I have to offer
Se aside your fears
See me for who I am
Stop hiding behind the red and orange ooze
Show me who you are
For real
Get real
Live Life!
Be present
Your children need you


Neither the surface
Nor the depths
Are okay here
Years ago I arrived at
Okay with it not being okay
I was okay with that
Right now I am not okay
There is so much more


Please treat me like a person you really
Really, really, really, REALLY
Care about
My open attempts in the past
Greeted with stoic impartiality
Or stunned silence


Thank you for your recent defenses
I acknowledge them
I know they come with new awareness
I am grateful
My heart cannot grasp
That you do not see me beyond this
It remains protected
Between my lungs
Thumping with each second
As time moves on
Into the future


I release and allow
With a tenderized heart
You to be my guide
My teacher
The knowledge of Love
Being there
And I know
All is as it should be
Probably for this very reason
I learn and grow
Discovering more strength in myself


I recognize the reality
For strength in reaching out
To others
This planet holds more than just me
We are not by ourselves


The balm of forgiveness
Where there is nothing to forgive
Of realization
Washes over my throat
Tears on my pillow


Clarity
Wisdom
Freedom within
Tomorrow I awkaen
Abundant energy and joy
My true nature
With gratitude

Winds of Change

I feel somewhat unsettled as the wind is howling and the trees are swaying violently outside.   The sky is dark with gray with foreboding.  Maybe it’s stir craziness I’m experiencing from having been in bed for the last week with a strange illness that can’t seem to decide what it is, and is taking its time taking its leave.  I’m pretty sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I know, well, have learned, in the past, that when I get sick enough to knock me out of commission as I’ve been, my life is about to change.  It’s a cocooning of sorts, a reorganization.  I am definitely very happy with my life in this place to where it has evolved, and am open to change for even better, on whatever level.  This said, this doesn’t feel to me like a cocooning on a personal level, it definitely feels more of a stepping back from the humanity and planetary level.  After a conversation with my mother earlier today, who is also suffering from this strange malady, I realize that perhaps the Universe is telling us to take cover, lay low for a bit, perhaps...rest up.  

I can only surmise or speculate that this may have something to do with the recent solar flares, with which their Earth arrival corresponded precisely with the onset of my illness, which has been fiery, feverish, with burning pain, mainly in my throat.    During the illness, some thoughts occurred to me, in light of, in spite of, or instead of the solar flare possibility.  One thought is that on a humanity level we are being dredged for the final drudge of karma that can be elicited before we have the opportunity for Ascension, if that is where we’re headed.  My human mind has no idea, and I have no answers, all I can do is go with the flow.   Bizarre things are happening in the world, even more so than usual, it seems.  My dreams have been ultra strange during this illness, and I haven’t had the time or energy to analyze them.  I’m okay with that, as it feels they are processing and processing…something.

Meanwhile, I feel more and more disconnected from humanity, and have no interest in the chaos that humanity pours on itself.  The personal dramas, the work dramas, the political dramas… are all karma either being played out or transcended.  Somehow I see beyond the drama, directly to the soul connection, the love, and can see that there is no reason for fear.  Death is not to fear, none of what we experience in life or are about to experience is to fear.  Life would be very, very different for every individual, and thus our collective communities if all decisions were made in love, instead of fear.   This would also be a different life if Earth’s inhabitants had no fear of death.   There was a particular scene that reminded of this, in Shirley MacLain’s miniseries Out On a Limb.  I hadn’t read her book or watched the miniseries before last night, but I have read much over the past 15 years about near death experiences, out of body experiences, spiritual matters, etc., and have had plenty of direct experiences that have brought my thought process to where it resides currently.  It was interesting to watch her metamorphosis, like a butterfly, through the show.  She resisted every step of the way, it appeared, but finally came to the realization that what she was experiencing and hearing was real and she obviously took action on the information she received.  Her experiences were more real than this weird world we live in and have collectively created for ourselves.  I am very glad to be reminded of this in this entertaining manner, although our true nature is almost always on my mind. 

I’ve also been reading a very interesting book on Dreaming and the Kaballah.  The premise is that our awakened state is at least as much of a dream-time than our sleeping state.  I’m not finished reading it yet, but I am sure I will have more to contemplate on this and the implications.

The theme this week in my awareness, it seems, is letting go.  In A Course in Miracles, our lessons have been about letting go (“loose-ing”) of the world we have created.  A client of mine’s main desire was to “let go” of the stuff he was ready to release so that he could move forward into his new life.  Letting go is one of the most difficult things a person can do.  What does it take to let go of the worry?  To let go of the fear?  To let go of having to know the how, or the why, or all of the answers.  If we let go, what are we left with?  Who are we without that fear?  Who are we without that worry?  Do we feel like we have to worry about something to be doing it “right”?  Do we have to be doing everything right?  If we let go of fear, are we out of our minds?  Maybe so.  Is that such a bad place to be?  

In Chinese medicine, letting go is the action of the Large Intestine.  We take in the events life presents to us (through the Stomach/solar plexus/Liver), let it churn a bit, send it to the Small Intestine for discernment, for sorting.  Small Intestine is the energy of discerning the turbid from the clear, retaining the clear, and sending the turbid to the Large Instestine for discharge, or letting go.  The clear is associated with the blessings, and what we want to keep to enrich ourselves and our lives.  The turbid is the crap that no longer serves us and we need to let go.  The energy of the Lung is directly related to the energy of the Large Intestine.  Lung is about grief and sorrow.  If we can grieve something, then we can let it go.  Sometimes we don’t know that we need to grieve something, but our bodies will tell us. 

Letting go is very freeing.  When you let go, those things hold no power over you, you reclaim your own power, and can move forward in a powerful way, rather than a fearful way.  Then your energy can be directed into creative endeavors. I realize this takes a lot of trust.  Trust in yourself, trust that everything will turn out “right”.  And “right” may not be our narrow perception of what is right for our lives, for we see very little of our full paths while we are incarnate and have very little knowledge of the meanings of our encounters and experiences.   In my experience, once I realized that there is a far bigger picture than my small awareness, my prayers and intentions became more for the greatest good of all involved, and allowing those who had a far greater awareness than mine, to make it happen.  I’ve since learned that these kinds of prayers often have the most profound outcomes, as I let go of my perceived best outcome.  I am not to judge what is the best outcome for anyone, not even for myself.  I can set my intention for what I think will be a great outcome, but I will always end it with “this or better”, as I do not know the lessons that need to be learned or the greater joy that can be experienced.  It’s called surrender.  

As the winds and the storm have subsided, I feel more at peace in my heart.  I feel more connected to my spirit, and am calmer about the next moment.  Solar flares or no solar flares, lunar eclipse or no lunar eclipse, and ascension or no ascension, I know that my life is dedicated to peace and love, and sharing and serving.  Perhaps my time cocooning is helping me strengthen this connection to my Source and helping me remember the theme of surrendering to the Greater Good and allowing it to flow through me.

Tools for Living?

Three dreams I had last night stand out clear enough to remember and comment on.

In one dream I was getting ready to play tennis again after a long time away from the game.  Some adjustments needed to be made before I could play.  Specifically, the net needed to be lowered so it would be easier for me to get the ball over it.  A lot of time was spent on retying each side of the net in three specific places to the poles that were holding the net up.  It was important to tie them in the right places just for me.  At one point I even had to use a sweater I was wearing to fully tie the net in the right place.  I was fully present with the process of putting the net in the right place for me to play tennis again.  Finally I was ready to play.  In the dream I don't recall actually playing tennis, but a little later in a dream reflection while I was still asleep I realized that there really isn't any need to lower a tennis net to be able to hit a ball over it.  The net is low enough, and hitting a ball over it is actually very easy.  In that dream state I was asking myself, "for what purpose was all of that preparation and work?"  I will get back to this after I relay the other dreams.

In the next dream I was walking along a paved trail with several of my family members.  The trail ran along the edge of a cemetery in which there were dozens of burials happening or waiting to happen.  Most of the dead people waiting to be buried were not in coffins, it was a gruesome scene of dead bodies and grieving and lost souls.  Our group was aware of the burials, of the death all around us, but we were not part of it, and knew that we did not need to engross ourselves in it, and we continued to walk along the path.

The third dream involved an older couple that was unfamiliar to me.  They had acquired a brand new "old timey" car.  It was large and black with smooth curves.  The couple had invited me to go somewhere with them, and we spent quite a bit of time getting into the car, making sure the doors would shut and not close anyone in them.  Also, in the front hood, there were spaces to put the food that the couple was taking to their event, so it would stay warm near the engine.  We got the food situated and the woman all tucked into her seat, and finally closed the door.  This happened several times. Meanwhile the man waited semi-patiently in the driver's seat.  He was relatively anxious to get going.  He almost took off without making sure I was in the car safely in the back seat, after I'd spent a good amount of energy to ensure they were both comfortable and enclosed properly.

If there's a common theme with these three dreams, it seems it would be about preparation, or preparing for things/events that don't need so much time and energy for preparation.  Why all of the unnecessary adjusting for the tennis net to play again?  Why all of the preparation to get in this new old car and go somewhere I'm not sure of with these people I don't know?  Why is the cemetery so full of people preparing to bury their loved ones?  Why am I so involved in the tennis net and car preparation and not at all in the burial preparation?


My thoughts on this are spiritual in nature.  If we are of Spirit and that is our true nature, but we have forgotten on this earthly plane, what do we really need to do to remember we are of Spirit, and live a Spirit-filled life?  If there is an awareness of this importance, our current collective consciousness seems to need tools to get us to that understanding and remembering.  Tools are great as long as we feel we need them.  By tools, I mean anything that helps us remember or reclaim or re-experience our Oneness with Source.  This could be through meditation, acupuncture, toning, bodywork, a walk in nature, going to church, reading inspiring works, and many others.  They all have inherent personal value as stepping stones to knowing our connection.

Ultimately we don't need any of the tools, we just need to know we are connected, we are perfect, all of our needs are met, and we are fully loved.  It seems that many people spend a lot of time, energy, and money in tools to help them re-connect.  I am certainly no stranger to using tools, for I have many at my disposal, and I use them as an acupuncturist for these purposes to help others.  I often tell patients when I first see them (if I sense they are receptive), that acupuncture is merely a tool for helping people tap into their own energy, and healing themselves.  It's an energy training of sorts, and ultimately people can, and hopefully will, learn to heal themselves, it is not only a gift through the acupuncturist or meditation leader, or whomever is holding the tools at the moment.

At some point, tools can become crutches, or maybe even obstacles to reaching our goals.  If all of my time and energy was spent on getting the net just right to make it easier to lob the ball, what happened to simply playing the game?  The same with the car trip to the unknown with all of the energy spent making sure we're safe and secure, we never actually went anywhere.  This reminds of when I first learned some of the tools of Science of Mind/Religious Science, mainly the use of affirmations to realign my thinking and thoughts about myself and Life and things that didn't appear to be working well.  I spent well over a year affirming over and over in my journal the affirmations I wanted to be true in my life, specifically about being in a happy and healthy, loving and mutually respectful relationship.  Three whole pages every day were devoted to realigning my thoughts with affirmations.

One day I realized that I was stuck in the affirmations, the tool, and that by affirming what I wanted to be I was also affirming what I didn't yet have. I was holding it all in place with the affirmations.  I decided I was done writing about it, I was ready to live it.  With conviction, I let go of the tool and the affirmations, and my life began its whirlwind journey to where I am now, living the life those early affirmations and new thoughts set forth.  In the process I learned new tools, mainly meditation, acupuncture, colorpuncture, breathing, multi-incarnational sessions, and workshops that helped with each step when I felt I needed them.


If playing tennis is a metaphor for remembering my connection to my Source, and lowering the net is an unnecessary tool to make it easier to lob the ball over or to remember that connection, all I really need to do is start playing tennis and know my connection without a doubt in every moment.  No net preparation necessary.  This, to me, means living each moment knowing I'm connected to our Source, being as present as possible and sending and receiving Divine Love all the time, and not be attached to the tools that have helped me get to this point from the past.  Their only value is what I place on them currently and what I have placed on them in the past.  If I forget my connection and lose faith or trust, I imagine the tools are still there and could be useful for remembering to the extent that I feel I need them. 


I know in this third and fourth dimensional world so much is based on the physical, the scientific, the tangible, and that physical death seems like an incredible loss.  On the personality level, it is devastating the pain and grief and worry we go through when loved ones become ill or transition suddenly from this dimension to their soul's next level, as they/we lay our bodies aside so that our souls are free.  In our society especially, there seems to be a lot of fear and sadness around death of the physical body.  On a soul level, however, this transition is a remembering, a celebration, a re-birthing into the beauty and connection with Source, and while the personality healing experiences are necessary for emotional healing and karmic re-balancing, they are not necessary for our soul's remembering.    It seems a strange polar world we live in, and we always have the choice where we place our focus and intention.

Constantly Life is showing us that we have a choice of how to perceive the events that occur around us, and we can choose to propagate the  karma or lift out of it and love from a different place in our hearts. From choosing a new perspective, profound events have taken place in my life which, I feel, have propelled me further along the path of choosing from a conscious soul perspective rather than a personality perspective.  I am definitely not saying that my unconscious mind doesn't still drive me to whatever extent, it will as long as I have this human form with an ego, but my conscious intention lay in the focus of conscious soul decisions that may override the karma that my ego has created in the past.

I've had a few "tool-free" spontaneous enlightening experiences, but have yet to experience Life fully lived (at least this lifetime) in constant, complete and utter knowing of my connection to my Source.  My life has come to a very consistent happy place, and yet I know there is an even deeper experience than celebrating the work and manifestations of my intention. I intend to look at what tools I've been using lately that may be keeping me "safe" and "stuck" in my current intentions and experiments, and discern what I'm ready to release and experience more deeply into knowing my connection with All That Is and what that means for my Life currently lived.