The rest of yesterday went all right - although I did only one set of Tibetans in all for the day - I'm pretty sore. Richard gave me a really cool early Christmas gift: a Pineal Activator Kit by Jonathan Goldman. It's mainly a cool tuning fork in the pineal activating frequency with suggestions for enhancing activation. I didn't try it out last night because I had a slight de-caffeinating headache. I used it this morning briefly after the yoga and alternate nostril breathing. The cats aren't too excited about the pitch. When I hummed with it my whole head vibrated, so that was pretty cool.
I have yet to get in my intended three green smoothies/puddings/soups each day. Apparently that's a big jump from no green smoothies, so I'm ok with modifying it to one or two. I am eating more vegetables and fruits in general, so that's a plus. I keep getting the message that it's ok to be ok with finding the right balance. I had some creative endeavors in mind during this time - but I've felt immensely lazy aside from the yoga and walking 4 miles every day, pretty sore from the yoga, and every day there has been some physical discomfort, whether the digestive dizziness the first day, the no-caffeine headache, or fatigue. I suppose a lot of that is due to the lack of caffeine and getting used to the extra compact greens. I snuggled up with the kittens yesterday after my walk and shower, and promptly fell asleep for 1.5 hours. Today the sun is not even out (from behind the clouds), and I am not inspired to walk yet, and maybe I won't. I know I'll be walking lots with Richard this weekend.
What I have been accomplishing is lots of getting appointments set: finally get the recall notices taken care of for my car so it's safe, the kittens spay and recovery, contacting preceptors for the the next rotations - actually the preceptor from February's rotation contacted me yesterday, that was unexpected, getting paperwork done for acupuncture and herbal re-certifications. I've made an appointment for myself for massage and acupuncture, as well.
I definitely am not feeling light, or the Light, it actually feels darker and denser, in all areas. My body feels heavier (I can't imagine that it is), walking around feels heavier, the mental fog feels heavier. Maybe it's more the time of year than anything. I'm ok with what is, because there really isn't anything different I'd do - I don't feel as though adding another smoothie or another yoga session is going to help it shift any faster. I will continue to take care of me, listen to my body and my heart. I know the heavy feeling is temporary.
I love that as I am feeling this way, I see this post on my Facebook stream by the very same lady who confirmed my intentions for 12/12 to 12/21. Deb Kern's realism. I love how real she is. I learned awhile ago that being spiritual isn't all about goodness, joy, peace, etc, it's about authenticity, being true to your own heart and soul, which includes loving ourselves and laughing at ourselves through our mishaps and misunderstandings. We are all God in Action, whatever that means for us and our lives. Without the darkness, there isn't Light to compare. It's still duality, and our choice to live it out on this planet. If it were all Light, then we wouldn't know the difference. I don't know about you, but I often grow weary of the darkness, and the duality and am ready to see it come to a close, for the planet, for each of us.
I think of the darkness before birth, safely tucked away in our mother's wombs, not knowing that there exists a whole other world that we were conceived and destined to enter. There's security in that darkness, comfort - maybe this is why we are often drawn to traditions and family during this dark time of the year. I remember when I was pregnant with Alan, my oldest son, now 25 years ago. I was 20 years old and taking a Spanish class at UC- Boulder and driving there every day for this class from Golden. One day we learned the verb to give birth: Dar la luz (to give the light). I remember going over and over it in my mind, and focussing on the light. At that time I saw "the light" as the new baby, full of light, which I don't think is wrong... but now I see that it could be from the fact that the baby comes from darkness into light. I thought (and still think) that this was a beautiful way to describe the amazing process of childbirth. Weirdly and ironically, we are born into light, as light, into this strange world of darkness, duality. Our challenge then gets to be to remember our lights, then shine them forth, unfailingly, whatever it looks like. This reminds me of another thing posted on FB yesterday: