Dream: Choosing to Live

December 2002, A Pertinent Dream:

A man and a woman are in a car on a mountain road in the foggy, rainy night. He is driving, she's in the passenger seat. They are intently discussing a subject, either the car or the drive or something pertaining to their relationship. The man is frustrated with either the driving or the discussion. After several near misses on the sharp dark curves in the road, he veers off the road into a ditch.

Morning dawns. It's still foggy and damp. I am at the site, looking at the car. The man is off in the distance, in the woods, but I am not concerned with him. I walk around to the other side of the car to find the woman lying behind the car in a mud puddle. I lean over and grab her under the arms and drag her over to the car. I lift her into the rear seat. I lean over her limp body as I struggle with the logistics of buckling her in. I finally get her in and take a look at her. Her dark hair was matted against her head, her face pale, her eyes dull.

I asked , "Are you all right?" 

She vaguely replied with her eyes, "You are holding my spirit inside of you. I will be much better if you can please give me back my spirit."

I took a huge deep breath, filling my lungs completely and put my mouth on hers and force my breath into her body. I blow and blow, without taking a breath myself. As I blow, I look into her eyes and watch them grow brighter and brighter. I watched her skin flourish with vitality. I continue to blow and blow and blow into her mouth, without taking a breath.

I jolted awake, breathless. Wow, what dream, I thought to myself. I lay in bed, breathing deeply, pondering the images that flowed through my mind, reminders of the dream. So real, so meaningful, I realized, as I attempted to put it together.

I got up out of bed and made my way to the bathroom to begin my morning routine. As I looked in the mirror, I thought about what I observe looking back at me. As I stood there, I considered the woman in the dream, and suddenly realized that the woman in the car was me. The woman was asking for her life to be given back to her. I have had this power to give myself life all along, but it wasn't until the woman asked and really wanted life, could I provide it to myself. With a small grin, I remarked to myself that a man dragged her into the mud puddle, but he is now inconsequential to my living my life fully, and it is up to my how I proceed. I immediately realized the meaning of that! It's up to me to drag myself out of the mud, get myself into the car, buckle in for the ride, and blow the life back into myself! Tingling with this great message, I vowed to myself, "There's no going back to lifeless, this life is for me to live, it's an adventure."

However as the days pass, I begin to doubt myself. How am I to move into this great new life full of vitality? I don't know how, how can I possibly do it on my own? I become afraid of the future and what it means to live that life I feel I was meant to live. I know I’m full of life and vitality and that it needs to be expressed, but how?